


Free

by CryingKouhai



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Gen, Loss, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-03 22:36:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CryingKouhai/pseuds/CryingKouhai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh god oh god this is my first ever fanfiction I'm posting on the internet lord give me strength...<br/>I originally wrote this for a school writing competition, and I thought, hey this is some quality fanfic here that the fandom might appreciate.<br/>Criticisms?????? Comments?????? I'd appreciate anything aaaa</p></blockquote>





	Free

 

      How long has it been?

I don’t remember.

A distant memory blurred by years of war and death. What were we fighting for? I’ve forgotten already.

I stand between the sparse masses. Saluting, but what does it mean? Right fist over the heart, the other behind the back. The younger recruits whisper something about offering their heart to the King. I’m so sorry, forgive me, I have no heart left to offer.

_What would you have said at a time like this?_

A commander shouts up ahead.

I still remember the coordinates of every single freckle on your skin. I’d counted them endless times on my sleepless nights.

            Someone begins a speech. I forgot why I’m here.

Humanity has lived for 115 years behind these walls, cooped up like cattle. And now that the Titans are gone, it is time for Humanity to hesitantly take its first steps outside.

_How many were lost in the final battle?_

Fifty.

Only?

Fifty thousand.

Such was our sacrifice.

But I would give it all back in an instant if it meant I could have you.

            I’d have constant nightmares. Dreams of you being crushed in a Titan’s monstrous jaws. You’d sense it, and wake me. “Jean, it’s okay, it’s just a dream. I’m right here. All you have to do is wake up.”

I want to wake up.

I want to wake up _now_ , Marco.

            Do you remember when your mother came to see you off on your first mission? You promised her you’d come back.

How dare you.

How dare you.

The world is beautiful, Marco.

The wind runs through the trees, seasons come and go, clouds form fluffy shapes.

But I do not want it.

I do not want it.

You said, when it was all over, we’d go see the ocean together. I thought it would still enchant me, even if you wouldn’t be with me. I was wrong. I wouldn’t even bother to spare a glance anymore.

I wonder what it is like to drown.

It must be something like this.

It must be something like the pain in my chest right now.

It must be something like the way I can’t breathe when I think of you.

I told you.

I told you I’d sink without you.

Humanity is free, but I am not.

I’m trapped in a cage of memories that’s filled with you.

Let me out.

Please let me out.

I want to be free.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god oh god this is my first ever fanfiction I'm posting on the internet lord give me strength...  
> I originally wrote this for a school writing competition, and I thought, hey this is some quality fanfic here that the fandom might appreciate.  
> Criticisms?????? Comments?????? I'd appreciate anything aaaa


End file.
